Captain Underpants

Spouse cracks me up.  Our eldest son is nearly seven years old.  His brother is a close 21-months behind.  You’d think that after surviving an infant and a toddler, then two toddlers, two preschoolers, a kindergartener and a preschooler, and finally, a first-grader and a rising kindergartener, that he would know you still can’t leave anything of value out!  Case in point: the detached hose sprayer thing.  For mysterious reasons, sometime last fall, a wand of some sort that apparently attaches to the garden hose appeared inside our home.  Likely it was purchase to “wash off the boat.”  Not that I witnessed any such action.  The boys identified this three-foot tall, black, rubber-wrapped gadget as a light saber.  Naturally.

I can’t say that I saw it dangling from the deck, but eldest confesses that is how it met its demise.  The sprayer part broke off.  Spouse was looking for it on a warm December day.  I mentioned that I’d put it in the laundry room – still a safe-haven for items of interest!  Spouse was irritated to find it broken; an interrogation of little people ensued.  Fortunately, neither boy hesitates to be honest, so the real story revealed itself.  Frustrated, Spouse purchased a new sprayer thing, which I promptly hid in the laundry room.  Personally, I haven’t left anything interesting out since my girlfriend of twenty years knocked over and broke a crystal wine glass at my first ever Thanksgiving party.  There was a 12-month old in attendance; she left the least ruckus in her wake!  Spouse leaves out tools, wire ties, calculators, phones, and they still attracted unwanted attention. Since our eldest is now a professional reader, I don’t even keep journals out in public anymore!

As it turns out, Spouse and I have received from our child a gift in spite of the assured death and destruction of grown up items.  Last week’s homework assignment was to read a book and tell someone about a connection related to the book.  Eldest and I are reading “The Adventures of Captain Underpants,” a chapter-style book about two elementary aged students who invented and publish a comic book about said character.  As you can imagine, underpants and a red cape are part of this crime stopper’s get up.

Every night, I read with my kids.  Lately, they read to me.  The afternoon and evening had been remarkably quiet and I looked forward to winding down.  After lots of snuggles, giggles, and sillies shared in the coziness of my first grader’s bed, he proclaimed an astute connection: “Captain Underpants wears underpants and so do I.”

Here now the gift of perspective!

Love Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

I wish we lived closer so we could all see each other more conveniently.  I am ready to come on home so my sons can get to know their grandparents.  I figure they’ll have half a chance at understanding themselves later in life if they get to understand the people from whom they truly come.  Spouse and I are not quite on the same page with the moving idea, so it’s a trying conversation.  I feel like there is no place for us to stay when we visit, so our visits become day trips bound by energy levels and traffic expectations.  I always want to pour my heart out to you when I see you.  I don’t because it just seems like too much of a load for the few hours that we get to be together.

So, in the meantime, I look for work here in D.C.  Hopefully, I will find something that might be portable later, or at least open some doors for me when we do decide to trade out friends, familiarity, and congestion for family, newness, and the unknown.

Love you, too, Dad.

B